It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
