I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
