i already hear my dad disowning me
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
