a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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