Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
