Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
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I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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