is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
