hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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