pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
