apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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