yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i dont even know how to be here
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Come on in and take your pants off
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