So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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