does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
