Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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