I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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