I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
