1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
