That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
