Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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