Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
