oh god the rape fog is back!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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