i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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