Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
