I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
