I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
