so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
