i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
