Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
