that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i may or may not be watching the land before time
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
