Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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