This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
