Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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