we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
