haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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