if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
