she was so not down for the gang bang
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
