so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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