Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
