he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
