Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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