girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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