You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Blood and glitter go together right?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
