If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
