8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
