No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
