Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
