maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
