At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm like, not good at living.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
