Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
