so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
