I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
