I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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