His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
