So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
