Need sex. Gaining weight.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
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