Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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