After last night, I could never be a politician.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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