I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
