she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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