YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize