I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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