Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
