i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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