please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
