i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
