I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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