I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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