You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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