This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
