fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Are we still banned from the library?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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