so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
