i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
