No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
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I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
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