Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
