I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
