You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
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i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
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My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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