I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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