This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
