a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
