I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
